Thursday, 28 July 2011

Summer Time Drinking...

The summer should in theory be here, so it's time for some bbq drinks!

One of the best nights can remember was my God Son's 1st Birthday, if you don't have friends with small kids you might think this is strange- trust me once your friends have been lost to the gravity sink of child rearing events like christenings, birthdays and a little later in life sports day become a great excuse to get all messed up.

The day began with champagne in a vase glasses and as the afternoon wore on chased a few beers down with pints of margarita. I remember there being a monkey called Jeremy- and very nearly a fight over 'respect' by controversially Wheatus (my money was on the little one). In fact so much fun was had that no one really noticed when Michael Jackson tripped a guy over.

With this memory firmly in mind- hazy and blurred as it is I am now thinking of those drinks that go far beyond the 'pitcher cocktail' ponchos we are talking "trailer park tiki". If you can make it in a glass you can make it in a (cleanish) bin.

Ideas inevitably evolve (definitely not according to an intelligent design) and as such I ended up with beer cocktails on my mind…. Some were suggested and other researched some just kinda happened.

Whatever the genesis of these drinks try them this weekend and take some photo's to post.

Baltimore Zoo

2 Vodka
2 White Rum
2 Gin
2 3 Sec
2 SoCo
2 Amaretto
2 Beer
1 Sweet and Sour
1 Grenadine

Reputedly 1st made in West Lafayette Indiana in the mid 90's the best we are told come from Harry's Chocolate Shop in that same town- Essentially a beer Laced Long Island Iced Tea. Best with the slightly heavier 'pale ale' style American beers like Goose Island or Brooklyn as you only want a little but need that dark smack of flavour!

Make it up in a pint glass and garnish with a massive burger in the other hand.

Red Eye
Coughlin's Law- "Beer is for Breakfast"

1 Bottle Lager or Pale Ale
2oz Tomato Juice
2- 5 Drops Vicious Chili Sauce
1 Whole Egg

Famed for an appearance in 1988's Cocktail the red eye is a pretty good cure for what ails you. Also an awesome way to start a day at the races…

Strip and Go Naked

1 Bottle Beer
½ oZ Lemon
½ oZ Gin
Dash Grenadine

Essentially a fortified Monaco (a grenadine laced Shandy)- we assume that the gin and lemon were removed more reasons of public decency.


1 Beer
1 Cola

Like Godzilla "It's big in Japan" and tearing the place up. Mixed like a Shandy and quaffed by androgynous teens throughout Tokyo.

South Wind

1 Beer
½ oZ Midori

If you like a sweet, melony beer with an acid green colouring this is the one for you, (you fucking weirdo).


1 Asian beer (best with Sapporo or Asahi)
½ oZ funkinpro Lychee Puree

Lends a great velvet texture to these interesting dry lagers. A real favourite sundowner.

The Cure

1 Beer
Dash Grapefruit juice
Dash Ginger Liquor (Domaine de Canton)

Developed by Gina Cherservani in the last depression. Zingy and light but I still hate bankers- though perhaps not the intended illness for the cure.


'Kidney Punch'

4 White Wine
1 Vodka
½ Peach Schnapps
2 Cranberry Juice
1 Light Grapefruit Juice
2 Lemonade or Soda

Become a Bin Dog Millionaire- This drink is measured in bottles and should be respectfully made in a large wheeliebin or ideally cement mixer if one is to hand. No cement mixer? Then try Prosecco rather than White Wine. Bubble Bin Drink.

Lady Grog

2 Heavily Vanilla'd Rum (Sailor Jerry)
1 Apple Juice
1/2 Lime Juice
1 Ginger Beer
1/4 Maple Syrup
1/2 Pomegranate Juice

Lets assume that the above numbers indicate number of bottles...

Alternatively try the L'oiso Technique: Hammer pint after pint of Patron margarita until the fear takes hold… Then switch to Daiquiri's. Dangereuse.

Swig Big, or GO HOME

Monday, 18 July 2011


So I've been worried over the weekend about this blog:

The last was I think, for lack of a better phrase- functional.

The worry then is that people necessarily ascribe your personality to, or assume your personality from the things that you write. It's why diaries and unfinished screenplays and the god- awful "lyrics" of the tattoo'd, flesh-tunneled EMO- post- teen are secret, because NOBODY wants just to be thought of as merely functional. 

That got me thinking about the toothless, beige prior posting. I certainly don't want people thinking that about me- I'm marginally funny for shit's sake! Not beige- benign possibly, mediocre obviously but never beige.

So I started thinking that this blog needed to stand for something- to mean something. But then inevitably the beige struck. A great curtain of corduroy fell. Errrrrrrrrrrr- nothing. Bugger. Gone was the vision of a blog akin to the great Russian novels winning the hearts and altering the minds of the readership…

So the end is nigh and the functionality is resumed, hesitantly. So perhaps we ought to think of this as efficient rather than functional. Efficient is better- if a girl says that you were 'efficient' that means you both got off right? Right…. 

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Blog one...

So, the very first 5 Aces blog.... As such likely to be short and utterly disappointing... But stay with us and I'm sure things will improve.

It was suggested that I should use the inaugural blog to simply list what it is we do- however we are mysterious folk and loathed to reveal our secrets clandestine as we are. So if you want to know what we are about check out the website numbnuts.

Instead I shall use this as a cyber-soapbox and rant whenever I like. I guess it will also have some info about up coming events (such as the tramps ball: dates to follow) and hopefully soon also the ability to download a podcast of our little sample sessions and showcases.

I will endeavour to launch this cast on a Thursday or Friday and if anything interesting happens over the weekend (unlikely) a Monday too.

Your Mission for the weekend:

   Make someone a gin drink. They probably deserve it. Even if they don't they'll appreciate it. You might even get a thank you. Or laid. Whichever you'd prefer.

   5 Aces Suggests the Hibiscus Smash:
                50ml        Tanqueray Export Strength
                12.5ml     Elderflower Cordial
                12.5ml     Lemon Juice
                4-6           Good Green Grapes
                2-3           Mint Leaves
               Top Up     Soda Water
                Dash        Hibiscus Syrup

Muddle the grapes with the lemon juice. Add the wet ingredients and shake vigorously.  Pour over crushed ice and top with soda if necessary. Splash over a dash of hibiscus syrup and a flower if you're feeling so inclined.

If you do make one up take a picture and send it in and we'll selflessly use your work as our own...